My Heart
by SussiRay
Summary: A tie-in scene to "Lauren"  Spoilers  - Hotch manages to slip away from the rest and gets 30 minutes alone with Emily at the hospital. COMPLETE


**A/N: This story is for **_**lalixa**_** who was reviewer #800 for my story Coming Back Home (sorry, it took me so long). The prompt I got was "unconditional trust" and immediately my mind went to "Lauren". This is a tie-in to that episode, a missing scene if you will, so there will be spoilers for "Lauren" (6x18).**

**Hope you will enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.**

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><p><strong>My Heart<strong>

Hotch held his breath as he pushed the white door open. He didn't know when he had last felt this kind of nerves, the kind that shakes you to your core. He noticed the tag on the wall next to the door-frame; Jenny Hastings. His heart sank as his eyes scanned the unfamiliar name.

He didn't have much time. He had excused himself to the team with a few words about needing some fresh air. They wouldn't follow him, he knew that they wouldn't. Everyone knew that he was a very private man and that if they saw his watery eyes he'd only get embarrassed. So it had been fairly easy for him to sneak away and take the stairs up two floors to the ICU. But he knew they would start to worry if he took too long and knowing that he would have thirty minutes with her at the most killed him.

He didn't want her to see him looking sad or conflicted so he tried to paste a smile across his face but failed as the door opened and he saw her lying in the only bed in the room. Tubes and wires were connected to her slim body and he couldn't ward off the thought how small and pale she looked. He sucked in a sharp breath, almost beginning to feel faint.

The sudden noises caused Emily to stir and her eyes to flicker open. She could feel her heart speeding up when she saw who was standing by the door, the worry inside him so evident on his handsome face. She had hoped and prayed that he would come see her. She knew he was the only one besides JJ who knew the truth, but she also knew that anyone slipping away from the team to come see her would be risking a lot so she hadn't dared to think that he would.

But now he was there, in the same room, standing just a few feet away from her. He didn't say anything, but his eyes grabbed hers and she could see that he had been crying. It made her whole body ache. She knew the pain she felt at that moment had nothing to do with her injuries and everything to do with the knowledge that this might be the last time she ever got to lay her eyes on him.

The moment she felt the first tear slip slowly from her eye and slide down her cheek Hotch's entire posture changed. His shoulders relaxed and within an instant he was by her side, grabbing onto her hands.

"Don't cry, Emily," he said, not letting go of her hand as he sat down in a chair next to her bed, "it'll be okay, please don't cry."

She squeezed his hand, running her thumb gently across the skin. "I can't help it," she said, "I didn't think you'd come."

"Of course I'd come," Hotch said, "I needed to see you. I needed to know that you're alright, that you're still alive." He grew silent, the absurdity of the situation removing any semblance to words that he had. For all intents and purposes Emily Prentiss, his team mate – his friend, was dead. But there he was holding her hand and looking down into her beautiful, dark eyes. He edged his chair closer to the bed, wanting as little space between them as possible.

He felt a growing desire to reach out and wrap his arms around her but he didn't know whether he should or not. He didn't want to cause her any discomfort neither physical nor emotional, but he needed to somehow to show her how important she was to him and how he felt about her. He wasn't sure he could tell her, not under these circumstances, but he needed her to know. This could very well be his last chance, the last time he ever spoke to her. If he could do anything – and he meant anything – to change that he would. But he had to be realistic about it or he wouldn't last very long.

"Hotch? What's the matter?"

His head snapped up and his eyes met two dark, worried ones staring intently at him. The thought, how much like her this was, crossed his mind. She was the one lying in a hospital bed, but she was worrying about him. It made his heart feel a little bit warmer and cold as ice at the same time. Her compassion knew no boundaries. It was one of the things about her that he loved the most.

It was one of the first things that had attracted him to her; her selflessness and her big heart. Sure, she was utterly gorgeous; anyone with eyes could see that. But he had wanted to dig a little deeper and once he had, once he had come beneath that tough exterior, he had found a sweet, almost fragile in a sense, girl and he had fallen head over heels. That was years ago and ever since he had been biding his time, thinking of ways to tell her and now faith had presented him with the worst opportunity ever. And he had to take it.

"Aaron?"

The use of his first name pulled him from the last lingering thought. It was the first time he had ever heard her call him anything other than 'Hotch' or 'sir'. He realized the moment it left her lips that he could imagine himself hearing her voice saying his first name every day for the rest of his life. But, he solemnly reminded himself, there was a prominent risk that he would never hear her say it again.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Emily said, giving him a sad smile. "You're kinda quiet."

"I'm sorry," Hotch said, moving closer still, "I guess I just got lost in thought."

"You never get lost in thought," Emily chuckled quietly; it was the most perfect sound Hotch had ever heard, "you are way too focused to get lost in thought."

"These were nice thoughts to get lost in, I guess," Hotch said, slightly evasively, though his eyes didn't flicker and his lips relaxed into a small smile allowing two dimples to crease his cheeks.

"What were you thinking about?" Emily said, holding on a little tighter to his hand. She thought she knew, she had seen something change in his eyes when she said his name, but she didn't dare believe it completely. She needed him to say it.

"You," Hotch said, confirming her hopes, "I was thinking about you and" – he took a deep breath – "how I can't let you leave without letting you know how I feel about you. You're more than just a team member to me Emily. More than just a friend…" ´His voice tapered off, and he looked into Emily's eyes trying to gauge her reaction. When he saw a sparkle of what looked like hope he continued. "I have deep feelings for you, Emily," he said, pausing a moment. "I… I'm in love with you. This might be a terrible situation for coming clean about a thing like that but I just couldn't go on without you knowing. I'm sorry, I realize now how selfish I am being."

"Why?" Emily said.

"This isn't the time or the place to be unloading all of this on you," Hotch said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat, "you have much more important things to think about."

"Don't say that," Emily said, running her fingers across the back of his hand and up through the thick hair on his forearms. She couldn't help but smile when she thought about how many times she had imagined doing just that. Now that she finally seemed to be getting the chance, no matter how briefly, she was going to grab onto it with both hands. "That is the best thing I could have ever hoped to hear you say and I can't tell you how glad I am that you told me because I never thought I would get the chance to tell you out loud how much I am in love with you."

Hotch's breath lodged in his throat. He looked up at Emily. She smiled at him and he returned it, the corners of his mouth tilting up more than he thought was possible.

"I wanted to tell you before I left," Emily said, deciding that there was no use dancing around what she had done over the last few days, "but I didn't know what to say or how to say it without you finding out about my plans, so I did what I could to show you."

"Show me?" His brow fell into a frown for a few short seconds before it rose up as it dawned on him what she meant. "The heart," he said, feeling a wave of fresh tears threatening to crash over him, "when I called you and your cell was in your top desk drawer along with your credentials and your gun, there was a heart as well."

"I put it there just after I decided that I had to leave," Emily said, "I was hoping that you'd be the one to find it. I didn't know if you'd even notice it but it was worth a try." She smiled.

"I took it," Hotch said, "just before we left for Boston I took it and put it in my go bag, it's still in there. For some reason I just felt I needed it, maybe because it was your heart."

"I gave you my heart," Emily said, smiling and carefully reaching out to touch Hotch's cheek. "I love you, Aaron."

"I love you, Emily," Hotch said, grabbing her hand and bending down to gently brush his lips against hers.

The kiss only lasted a few seconds, but to him it felt like an eternity. He never thought he would get to do that. He had gone two years thinking that he would never know what Emily's lips pressed closely against his would feel like. Now he knew and he was sure it was the best feeling in the world. He tilted his head down again, this time staying a little longer, taking in every touch and sensation and sound as his mouth mated gently with hers.

They broke apart. He felt bad for a second when Emily panted, deprived of oxygen, but her rosy cheeks and bright smile lit a fire inside him that warmed his every limb. By accident he glanced at the clock on the wall. His heart dropped as he realized he'd been with her almost half an hour. He had promised JJ that he would be no longer than that, if anyone went looking for him and found him next to a very much alive Emily Prentiss it would do nothing but compromise her security. He couldn't do that.

"I have to go," he said, sadly and pressed another quick kiss to Emily's slightly parted lips.

"I know," she said.

"I will catch Doyle, Emily," Hotch said, his eyes glowing as if they had been set on fire, "I won't stop until I have found him and brought him to justice and then I will bring you home and we will spend the rest of our lives together. I promise you that."

"I trust you, Aaron," Emily said, squeezing his hand one last time, "You have my complete and utter trust." She sighed. "I know that I will see you again Hotch, so I don't want this to be 'goodbye'"

"Then it won't be," Hotch said, stopping by the door, "I love you," he said once more, feeling a tear begin its journey down his cheek.

"I love you too."

**The End**

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><p><strong>AN: Thank you for reading! Here's hoping that we actually will get to see Hotch & co catch Doyle on the show some day!**

**Please review!**


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